Do you ever hear someone say something – something you’ve always known or believed – that completely turns your world upside down? A simple and familiar thought takes on an entirely new meaning, all because of a change in perspective? I have always embraced the thought that we were never created to be alone. We are relational beings to the deepest part of ourselves, and despite the variety of ways in which we relate to others, and despite the scars and wounds that inhibit us, we all want the same things. Love. Support. Respect. Trust. Community. Relationships.
I was sitting in church the other morning, listening intently – as I always do – to our pastor. As soon as he began to speak, I knew our lesson for the day was meant for my ears. One of the first statements he made went something like this:
“We were created to need people from the beginning…we are meant to have relationships with others.”
I nearly burst from my seat in excited agreement. I wanted to cheer him on from the onset, my mind jumping and applauding him just as it did the Mountaineers last Saturday (what a fantastic game!). As he continued to talk, my heart grew. I know this fact to be true, and I love to share it with other people when I get the chance. The story I have about my 95-year-old neighbor, Carrie, alone expresses my belief in connection with others.
But let’s be honest, as independent as we are and want to be, there are seasons in our life that cannot be endured without support from friends and family. We strive for complete self-sufficiency, but often need reminded that it’s okay to lean on other people. It’s impossible to live this life without that. I know because I’ve lived it, several times. And humbly and gratefully, I’ve learned to embrace the times when I need someone there. I take pride in my independence, but take more pride in recognizing when I just can’t get through something alone – no matter how light-hearted or deep-rooted the situation. Life will always supply those situations. And as much as we – as I – like to spend our own time reflecting or writing or thinking, that’s when we need to act on this idea most.
Just as I was absorbing my reminder from Pastor Tim, quietly smiling in contented agreement, he said something that I had never expected, something I’d never considered before.
“We cannot ever reach our full potential without the help of others, without relationships with others.”
It’s easy to agree with this thought, because it makes absolute sense. But it’s also one of those statements that completely transforms your perspective on an idea.
I typed this into the memo app on my phone, and repeated it to myself a few times…really taking in what it meant, all-the-while searching my memory for the times that this has proven true. There are so many. There are so many people to thank for being the support, the encouragement, the tough-love, the truth, the hug, the advice, the direction, and the beauty that I’ve needed to find and achieve my potential. And though I’m still pursuing that, and striving towards it, I know I’ve realized part of the potential I’ve been given. So I have to give credit where it’s due.
There’s a quote at the end of “Eat. Pray. Love”, a movie starring Julia Roberts based on a true story about world-traveler and writer, Elizabeth Gilbert. The book and movie both depict her story of love, loss, and self-realization. It’s one of those movies I call upon whenever I need to venture away for a while, or when I need a pick-me-up and dose of courage. It’s a beautiful story. The quote sums up exactly how I feel about this idea – that the connections we make in life are exactly the ones we need to guide us and help us.
“If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.”
What is that truth? I guess it’s different for every person. What is my truth? That I have been surrounded by some of the most impeccable, driven, inspiring, edgy, fantastic, challenging, hurtful, motivating, and remarkable people. And had I not had a connection with each of them, my life would not hold the value that it does. Connection with others yields truth to oneself. We cannot be who we were created to be without realizing that we need others to help us discover who we are.
Maybe it’s a little bit convoluted, but simply put, life is about people. It’s always been and will always be about the people that surround you. About connecting. And that – my dear friends – should inspire you to be intentional, to be mindful, and to be grateful. We cannot endure this life alone. And ever since hearing my Pastor say so, I believe we can never reach our full potential without connecting to others either.
Who are some people who’ve helped you? Do you agree with this idea?
what have we to lose? 