the meaning of “grace”.

Do you ever catch yourself using a certain phrase or specific word over and over? Maybe you pick it up from a coworker or friend, or maybe a specific time of your life leads to discussions where a word becomes particularly appropriate. In either case, it’s not something you’ve noticed yourself saying before; but in recent moments, it seems to circulate the air around you, to enter your lungs, and to accompany itself with each breath.

A few days ago, I realized that I’ve been using one specific word in my discussions more than usual.

GRACE.

It’s a term that I’m used to. It’s an idea that I have been around a majority of my life. Grace is a beautiful gift that I am granted daily, but despite that, it rarely finds its way into my conversations. The last week, though, I’ve been talking about the many facets of this idea – grace – a lot.

It’s not intentional whatsoever – it just happens. The perfect opening presents itself, and before I know it, a work-related conversation has me talking about grace like it’s a pen on my desk. It’s just there. I can sense it. I can use it, if I’d like. I can accept it.

What is grace though? What is it’s purpose? It’s one of those churchy words that seems to have little or no place in everyday life. Grace is an intangible idea that probably feels senseless to use, hopeless to rely upon, or restless at which to grasp. But I would like to fiercely argue the opposite.

 

The definitions of grace, according to dictionary.com include the following:

1) elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action
2) favor or goodwill
3) mercy; clemency; pardon

 

 

In short, I think grace is unconditional love. How often does this world act against us? How often does someone hurt us? How often do good intentions get turned around? How many times do we lie, betray, fall short of the people we’re meant to be? Such is life! Perfection does not exist, and therefore we are imperfect people. That does not mean that we cannot actively forgive the ugliness in the world, or grant this life the kind of love that we hope for in return.

I have had the beautiful experience of witnessing immeasurable amounts of grace among my life for the last few years. As I sit here writing this post, I’m honestly overwhelmed. I’ve felt it personally, I’ve seen others receive it (knowingly and unknowingly), and I have tried whole-heartedly to grant it to other people. Grace is every where we turn, waiting for us, and if we pay close enough attention, we can see how it shapes our lives.

While grace may seem like a concept that only belongs in a church, I think it’s far more accessible than even I’ve realized. Grace is not an idea too lofty for your or me.

Grace. Unconditional love.

Even more so, it is active and proactive unconditional love. It is preventative. It is protective. Unconditional love provides safety before we’re ever in danger, comfort before we’re ever uncomfortable, and consistency before we ever fear disruption.

A visiting pastor at my church talked about this very thing, saying something that I say and write countless times! (I was ecstatic to hear him agree with me.) He said that that we  are “meant to be with people.” We are not meant to live this life alone. The concept of “with,” he said simply, is the ultimate act of love. Above all other things, we are meant to show up. To support. To encourage. To hold accountable. To go with. To be with. To show grace. To love people where they are, unconditionally.

I have endured a lot of difficulty. I’ve watched the people I love do the same…desperately fight for various forms of freedom – freedom from depression, anxiety, alcoholism, bad relationships, work troubles, poor self esteem, sickness, fear. I have been on the giving and receiving end of trouble. Similarly, I have been on the giving and receiving end of grace. Knowing that I am granted grace, despite my unworthiness, has been the motivation of my life. I want to be with people. I want to love, unconditionally. I want to be a reminder that grace is available; it’s there for the taking. It’s the one perfect idea in this imperfect world.

Unconditional love and grace come in many forms. A second chance. An apology. A recovery. Therapy. A new day. Healed wounds. Dried tears. Encouragement. A good piece of advice. Conversation. Safety. Belief. Unconditional love and grace – these are things that I am granted every day by my God, my family, my friends, my loved ones. It surrounds me, and I hope you feel it surround you as well.

Long story short, I suppose I’ve been talking about grace because I see grace more beautifully than I ever have. I am humbled to realize that the greatest gift I can give others is something I also need daily. So whether I keep talking about it or not (because we all know I love to talk), I will always continue to show it. Have you ever recognized moments of grace in your life? How has unconditional love been shown to you?

 

 

 

those resolutions.

How many of you can remember your 2014 New Year’s resolution(s)? Did you stick to them? Did you make an honest effort? Are you upholding those resolutions today? Maybe it seems senseless to think about these things, considering that we made these promises and hopes to ourselves nearly a year ago now. Time is ticking…

I try to think back to the end of last December. What did my life look like then? What were my goals? I was preparing to start my final semester of graduate school. I was anticipating a new year with beautiful people all around me, making me ever-appreciative of all that had brought me to that time of year – my favorite time of year. It wasn’t really that long ago, so why am I so shocked at how drastically different my life is now? Why am I stunned at all of the vibrant moments that are now simple memories? Just goes to show you how precious time really is.

At the start of a new year, the “time” to accomplish these set goals seems rather excessive. A whole year?!

We think we have so much time…

We think we have time to get a better gym routine or make more effort to talk to our parents. We think we have time to write more, learn more, travel. Time to do more good, take up the hobby in which we’ve been interested. Or time to work through our fears and love better. This dangerous thought makes it easy to push resolutions of every kind off to tomorrow. Essentially, the very things and ideas and pursuits that make life the glorious experience it is, can easily get put on hold. Or not be pursued as valiantly as they should. Because we have so much time. “All the time in the world,” we tell ourselves… But thinking back on 2014, I realize how little time I had to achieve all of these. A year is so short. And now, I feel the pressure and stress; did I do any of these as mightily as I’d hoped?

While I did achieve some of what I wanted in the last year, I know I could have been spent some of that time better.  I read an article recently that offers up some resolution inspiration.  We prepare to close out 2014 (a fact which is absolutely astounding to me – how is it nearly over when I still vividly remember its first few seconds?). And as we do so, I challenge you to have several kinds of conversations. Ones with others, family members, loved ones, and ones with yourself.

All of the guidelines in this article are ones I completely support. Doing more for others and sharing more meals with the people you care about. Listening to new music and being intentionally present in conversations. To me, these matter. And these are some overarching goals that I hope to carry into the unbelievably and rapidly approaching new year.

Complain less.

Spend less time worrying.

Spend less time on your phone.

Pray more.

Cut yourself some slack.

Challenge yourself more. 

How can anyone argue with these? Though I’ve yet to determine all I hope for in 2015, I think these are offering a great start for me. I will do more traveling. I will spend more time with God. I will write more. I will be kinder to myself. I will be positive everyday.

The life lessons in 2014 were plentiful, and though the dynamic of my life has been radically changing with each day, I am so grateful for all that this year offered. For the pain, struggle, victories, and accomplishments. I am definitely not perfect at recognizing where I need to improve, and fall just as short at achieving the goals I choose to set. But, I make an incredibly intentional effort to consider what my soul needs most. My heart is completley in it. Ultimately, that’s what I want to say of my life in general – that my heart is completely in it. In every relationship, in every minute, and in all that I do – my heart is completely in it.

My hope is that you’ll take a look at this article and form some new ideas for yourself. Challenge yourself. Decide how to spend the precious time you have in 2015. My hope is that you’ll feel how truly precious our time is. You’ll forgive yourself for your shortcomings, and use those to inspire a new vision for all that you are and all that you will be in the year to come.

 

a quiet season.

I tend to be very long-winded. Ask any of my close friends or family, and they’ll tell you horror stories of the novels I send via text message. “It’s a 2 message minimum.” This is my disclaimer; you’ve been warned. Try as I might to consolidate and paraphrase – for anything in life – I truly can’t help it. I’m a talker.

Rather, I’m a communicator. This is a characteristic I’ve grown into with age. My experiences, my interests, my friends, my mother…all of these have factored in to what makes me the verbose, drawn out, interminable expressionist that I am. I live through my tendency to dream and my preference to tell great stories. No matter the precaution, these characteristics permeate my life, my job, and my relationships. A blessing and a curse, I have a great connection to my emotions. I’m a girl who utilizes her very strong intuition, writes out cards and sends emails just to stay connected. A girl who, despite her high interest and capacity for social media communication, prefers face-to-face contact. Even the most personal and authentic digital connection loses out to the transparent and real connection between 2 people physically in the same conversation.

I think there is a remarkable freedom to be found in connection. Building relationships with people – open, genuine, raw, trusting…this is my life goal. What’s the purpose in living this life with others if not to truly invest in others? To connect and feel and invest…and most importantly, not regret?

Therein lies the double-edged sword. Sometimes I feel so much that I don’t have words to say. Or perhaps too many words at once. The ups and downs of life are evocative enough, creating painful silence – not for lack of feeling but for an abundance of it. Like the grains of sand to the opening of an hourglass, I often experience a rush of feeling and expression so strong that it’s too much to convey at once. One of those times is now. This past week. Today.

Times like these are guaranteed. The overwhelming, the speechless times. And for someone like me, these prove incredibly difficult. Even as I’m writing this blog, I feel like my effort is fruitless, and my thoughts won’t translate. Honestly, it’s one of the shortest ones I’ve written. I suppose I need to grant myself a little bit of grace for that. But with this frustration comes appreciation; I feel so fortunate to have made the connections and relationships I have. My gratitude is never-ending. I’m living with absolutely no regret. And the inability to express how strongly I feel may prove to be exactly what I need.

This particular season in life is teaching me incredible lessons, and though some are difficult to embrace, I can’t deny the fact that I’m growing. I’m learning how to live better, serve better, show my gratitude better, and love better. These lessons are many:

• Genuinely personal connections are fewer than ever; and the need for them has never been greater.
• Life is meant to be lived with/for/serving/supporting/encouraging other people.
• There is joy to be found in putting others before yourself.
• It’s okay to feel everything. It’s okay to feel a lot. And it’s okay to let it silence you.
• The opportunity to tell people what they mean to you may not always exist; do not take it for granted.

Do you experience times where you feel overwhelmed by life? Do you think we need to pursue more intentional and invested communication with people? 

making a connection.

Do you ever hear someone say something – something you’ve always known or believed – that completely turns your world upside down? A simple and familiar thought takes on an entirely new meaning, all because of a change in perspective? I have always embraced the thought that we were never created to be alone. We are relational beings to the deepest part of ourselves, and despite the variety of ways in which we relate to others, and despite the scars and wounds that inhibit us, we all want the same things. Love. Support. Respect. Trust. Community. Relationships.

I was sitting in church the other morning, listening intently – as I always do – to our pastor. As soon as he began to speak, I knew our lesson for the day was meant for my ears. One of the first statements he made went something like this:

“We were created to need people from the beginning…we are meant to have relationships with others.”

I nearly burst from my seat in excited agreement. I wanted to cheer him on from the onset, my mind jumping and applauding him just as it did the Mountaineers last Saturday (what a fantastic game!). As he continued to talk, my heart grew. I know this fact to be true, and I love to share it with other people when I get the chance. The story I have about my 95-year-old neighbor, Carrie, alone expresses my belief in connection with others.

But let’s be honest, as independent as we are and want to be, there are seasons in our life that cannot be endured without support from friends and family. We strive for complete self-sufficiency, but often need reminded that it’s okay to lean on other people. It’s impossible to live this life without that. I know because I’ve lived it, several times. And humbly and gratefully, I’ve learned to embrace the times when I need someone there. I take pride in my independence, but take more pride in recognizing when I just can’t get through something alone – no matter how light-hearted or deep-rooted the situation. Life will always supply those situations. And as much as we – as I – like to spend our own time reflecting or writing or thinking, that’s when we need to act on this idea most.

The lake at the bottom of Snowshoe Mountain Resort – a fantastic place to write and think.

Some beautiful Black-Eyed Susans at Snowshoe.

The sunset at Snowshoe. Breathtaking.

Just as I was absorbing my reminder from Pastor Tim, quietly smiling in contented agreement, he said something that I had never expected, something I’d never considered before.

“We cannot ever reach our full potential without the help of others, without relationships with others.”

It’s easy to agree with this thought, because it makes absolute sense. But it’s also one of those statements that completely transforms your perspective on an idea.

I typed this into the memo app on my phone, and repeated it to myself a few times…really taking in what it meant, all-the-while searching my memory for the times that this has proven true. There are so many. There are so many people to thank for being the support, the encouragement, the tough-love, the truth, the hug, the advice, the direction, and the beauty that I’ve needed to find and achieve my potential. And though I’m still pursuing that, and striving towards it, I know I’ve realized part of the potential I’ve been given. So I have to give credit where it’s due.

There’s a quote at the end of “Eat. Pray. Love”, a movie starring Julia Roberts based on a true story about world-traveler and writer, Elizabeth Gilbert. The book and movie both depict her story of love, loss, and self-realization. It’s one of those movies I call upon whenever I need to venture away for a while, or when I need a pick-me-up and dose of courage. It’s a beautiful story. The quote sums up exactly how I feel about this idea – that the connections we make in life are exactly the ones we need to guide us and help us.

“If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.”

What is that truth? I guess it’s different for every person. What is my truth? That I have been surrounded by some of the most impeccable, driven, inspiring, edgy, fantastic, challenging, hurtful, motivating, and remarkable people. And had I not had a connection with each of them, my life would not hold the value that it does. Connection with others yields truth to oneself. We cannot be who we were created to be without realizing that we need others to help us discover who we are.

Maybe it’s a little bit convoluted, but simply put, life is about people. It’s always been and will always be about the people that surround you. About connecting. And that – my dear friends – should inspire you to be intentional, to be mindful, and to be grateful. We cannot endure this life alone. And ever since hearing my Pastor say so, I believe we can never reach our full potential without connecting to others either.

 

Wedding selfies with Ty.

After Ana’s performance.

Some great friends at Ty and Sam’s Mountain Bike race! Celebrating that they got 2nd!

Integrate 2014 friends.

My best friend Jeanna and I sang for Christmas at Stonewall Jackson Resort!

Sweet Becca.

Miss Carrie. Check out my blog about her here: https://lindsaychannaswords.wordpress.com/tag/giftsfromcarrie/

Love these girls!

Valentine’s celebration in snowy PIttsburgh.

With my momma.

Master’s pinning ceremony at Integrate 2014.

The cast of the 2013 Murder Mystery fundraiser for Ronald McDonald House!

Crazy Daddio.

Brittany and I in Vegas.

My family.

My mom, my cousin, and I.

Who are some people who’ve helped you? Do you agree with this idea?

what have we to lose?

What have we to lose?

Obviously, as the title of my blog, I think this question is an important one. It’s one that I ask myself – in one form or another – quite frequently. And depending on the situation, my answer can change drastically. Should I grab a grande coffee from Starbucks? I’ll only be out $2.07. Should I give in to the urge to sleep an extra twenty minutes? I’ll have to amp up my morning workout to make up for lost time. Not much lost.

But when the time comes to evaluate the future of a friendship? When you take a risk for the sake of your career? When you are caught between doing what you want or doing what is right? When you’re stuck in the battle between the head and the heart? Risk is everywhere. Loss is lurking. Regret will, at some point, overwhelm you. All too often, it takes is a matter of seconds to make a decision, blink your eyes, take a breath, and realize that in that decision, something was lost.

It goes without saying, though: all of life embodies within it something to lose. A chance to take/a chance to fail. An opportunity to succeed/an opportunity to fall short. But rather than focus on all that could go wrong, and worry and stress over every possibility to fail, it has been my experience that pleasure waits for those who see the opposite. Why paralyze ourselves in fear of making a mistake? What happens when we give in to that paralysis? We still lose. We still disappoint. We still fall short. Far more regret awaits us when we remain stagnant. I learned that lesson the hard way.

So – in actuality, we have quite a lot to lose in this life. I would argue with anyone that more loss exists as a result of what we neglect to do than anything else. I’ve always believed in the thought that every person comes into your life for a very specific reason: some to hurt, some to teach, some stay, and some to leave. I’ve experienced it all, and I can’t say that I regret it. These relationships have brought me to this very day; they have shaped my character and strengthened all that I am. They feed into the waves of my life, bringing both heartache and joy in their rightful times.

What I have realized is this: in each connection I make and direction I pursue, there is a lesson to be learned. And I’d be doing myself an incredible disservice if I neglected to capitalize on that.

At the end of the day, nothing is perfect. As my mom likes to remind me, “life is messy.” We cannot be guaranteed a right or wrong direction, but can only cling to the 20/20 vision that hindsight provides. The full scope of our choices can only be understood as we look back. Still, I hope we make our life choices with the greatest of intentions and most courageous of hearts. That when we’re faced with all the chaos, beauty, fear, anxiety, and opportunity that life throws at us, we take a second to realize all that can be lost. That we see the difference between the kind of loss will leave us void, our hearts empty, and the kind of loss that will contribute to our greater gain.

So I challenge you to ask yourself this question: What have I to lose? The answer, simply, is “everything”. But if we don’t take risks and live this life – and have the courage to learn all that we can while taking chances – we lose so much more. What do you think?

 

#giftsfromcarrie

I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU.

I believe it to be one of the greatest stories of my life thus far, and I am beyond excited to share it with you. Please indulge me, do yourself a favor, and read every bit. It’s absolutely worth it.

Last summer, I moved back to Morgantown, WV after spending a little over a year at home. I was so excited to move out, be on my own, reclaim my own space and my own time. I love my family dearly, and loved seeing them every day. But my  initial reasons for moving home were no longer prevalent, and as May rolled around, I knew it was time. Long story short, I was in Morgantown by June, though I by September, I’d moved into a nice little trailer, or “villa” as my roommate and I prefer. Summer welcomed me “home”, fall charmed me in every sense, winter wreaked its havoc, and spring emerged once again. Here we are, a year later – and so much has changed. So much has happened.

After moving into the villa, I met Carrie, a 95-year-old woman with enough spunk, energy, love, dance moves, and consideration to fill the whole world. We had tentative conversations at first, turning into sweet acquaintances and talking about the weather. In all truth, it was mostly her talking and me yelling back. She’s a little hard of hearing, though I’ve recently learned to maneuver to her left side and speak into her hearing aid. That’s made a big difference.

Since September, she and I have developed a little rapport. Some days, I think she waits for me to pull in the driveway, just to eagerly greet me with a quick “Hey, neighbor!” and a smile. During our very cold and snowy winter, she’d stand in her doorway and wave to me, grinning ear to ear. I knew she something special then. In my 23 years, I’ve only encountered one other woman who exuded a similar character – another sweet neighbor who watched me grow up, acted like a a grandmother, and meant more to me than I was ever able to tell her. Meeting Carrie reminded me of her. Meeting Carrie reminded me of the glorious possibilities that exist when you open your heart to another person, unapologetically.

In her sweet nature, Carrie began to bring me “gifts” or treats. I’d pull in the driveway, get out of my car, and she’d meet me with a Klondike Bar, a Rice Krispy Treat, a handful of Root Beer Barrels… Now, she walks right over to my villa, bangs on my door – which is sometimes incredibly startling – and hands me her next gift. I began to photograph and post these on my Instagram account, using #giftsfromcarrie to track all the images. The first gift – a Klondike Bar – was given to me April 24. The rest followed, and the most recent was given to me yesterday, June 4.

Gift 1

Gift 2

Gift 3

Gift 4

Gift 5

Gift 6

Gift 7

Gift 8

Gift 9

Gift 10

Gift 11

Gift 12

These gifts – small, unwrapped, and seemingly ordinary – have filled my heart in a way I can never accurately describe. It overflows. It bursts. I smile and retell the story of the next gift to as many as I can. Her small acts of kindness are not small at all. They fill my world to the absolute brim. She has made such an impact on me, that I made it a personal mission to get a photo with her.  I wanted to introduce her to my Instagram account and #giftsfromcarrie followers…an unveiling of the serendipitous source of all these kind-hearted gestures. So, Tuesday night, when she brought me half a bag of Root Beer Barrels, I asked her for a picture. A little bit shocked that my cell phone could take a photo of the two of us, she excitedly put her arm around me and grinned. She asked “Can I do this?”, proceeding to stick her tongue out. Of course!, I said. So we took two. A nice one – which I love – and a silly one! I look ridiculous, but I don’t even mind. It was totally worth it.

Carolyn Louise.

Silly Faces.

The course of our friendship has been hilarious and entertaining, in the very least. I learn something new about her life almost every time we talk, though some stories stay the same.

She’s “95 going on 96.” I hear that anytime I see her. And each time, I’m more impressed at the fact that she gets around all on her own. No walker, no helper. She lives by herself, cleans, cooks (when her daughter doesn’t bring her dinner), and hustles up and down our street to chat with all of the neighbors. The only accommodation she’s made for her age is a single hearing aid. This alone leaves me in awe of her. She has a car and a license given to her from the Sheriff, solely for her to drive to and from Bingo at the Senior Center.

Also, Carrie’s birthday is November, 7, 1918. This fact never goes unmentioned either. I always make a big deal out of her age and birthday, letting her know how impressed I am that she gets along so well. She tells me it’s because she exercises every morning. She walks on the treadmill and “goes on that bike that don’t go no where”. I believe she means a stationary bike. But her daughter, Joan, doesn’t know that she does this. I always have to assure her I won’t say anything.

Carrie’s family life is pretty remarkable as well. She grew up on a farm outside of Pittsburgh, where her mom raised and grew everything they ate. Carrie is incredibly proud of this fact. Her mom was  full-blooded Native American and her dad was a tiny Irishman who came to the U.S. from Ireland. Carrie says that while riding a horse and buggy through town, he drove past her mother. He saw this “beautiful woman” and asked her to go for a ride. She turned him down several times before finally accepting the offer. And then they got married. Carrie is one of 14 children. A brother and sister of hers were twins “to make it even…7 boys and 7 girls,” she says.

Carrie had 3 children of her own to her first husband. Joan, Peggy, and Johnny. When her first husband left her, she said “heck with him” and raised them on her own. She eventually remarried and gave birth to Steve. Joan lives in Morgantown and sees Carrie almost every evening. Steve lives in Tennessee and drives “the big trucks” for a trucking company. He doesn’t get to visit much, but she loves it when he does. While Joan and Steve are still alive, both Peggy and Johnny passed away as children. Johnny died at the age of 6 from scarlet fever and Peggy died as a young girl. I get the sense that she didn’t even make it to be 15, from the way she talks about it. My heart breaks every time Carrie brings them up.

One of my favorite things about our friendship is her willingness to talk. She will talk about anything and everything. From neighborhood gossip and news to her own life story and personal thoughts. She tells me the craziest stories, but I have no reason to doubt her honesty. Just the other night, she came to visit me on my porch. I was sitting outside working on some written pieces, and she brought me a can of Pepsi and a straw. She went home, but shortly after, shuffled across my little yard again – a Pepsi of her own in hand – and hopped up into one of my deck chairs. I was elated. And I snapped a photo, because she was so dang adorable.

We got to talking, discussing how sad it was that more neighbors didn’t spend time outside with one another. Pearl, a neighbor across from me, is one of Carrie’s better friends in our neighborhood. The two of them have lived here since the trailer court was established. When Carrie first moved in, Pearl came over to visit and introduce herself. Apparently, Carrie had a pretty antique sitting out in her living room. Pearl said – jokingly, I’m sure – that it was so beautiful, Carrie should put it away because she just might have to take it! Ever since, Carrie doesn’t like Pearl to come inside her house. She invites her over to sit on her porch swing outside, but she’s hesitant to let her inside just in case she was serious that day. “You never know,” she told me.

As we enjoyed the evening, she also mentioned her second husband for the first time. I was shocked! I didn’t realize she was married twice, especially because her first marriage left her so bitter. Our conversation went something like this:

• Me: You had 2 husbands?
• Carrie: “Yep, but I don’t want another one”…
• Me: Why not?!
• Carrie: …”I can get ’em, but I don’t want ’em”.
• Me: Oh, I think you should get a man!
• Carrie: “I can get ’em. There’s lots at the Senior Center after me. Ya know what I do? I sock ’em”.
• Me: uncontrollable laughter*

Apparently, one gentleman at the Senior Center even gave her his photo. She said she has it on her refrigerator, but judging from her, he’s barking up the wrong tree. And maybe looking for a black eye.

But this was the moment I realized that Carrie is far cooler than I will ever be. Her sincerity and charm is absolutely captivating. Her wit and liveliness is contagious. She’s a rarity. To spend time with her is to be reminded of the gift and beauty of life. To witness her character is to experience the exact reason we exist…to build and cultivate breathtaking relationships with those around us.

It goes without saying that Carrie is a gem. She’s given me far more than the simple gifts I photograph for Instagram, though I’ll absolutely continue to do so. More than a protein shake or a Pepsi, she’s given me hope for a life I can be proud of. She’s given me inspiration to never stop moving, caring, and even dancing on my front porch – as she does on her feistier days. She’s taught me that a gift does not have to be beautifully wrapped, extravagant, or even planned to be meaningful. In fact, the ones that are not are the ones that mean the most. She’s taught me that a “hello” and a smile can do more for a person’s soul than you may ever know. She’s taught me so much; I could go on for hours. These are the ways in which she’s beautified and simplified my life. These are her gifts. Her gifts to me and to each of us. So please, please, please take something away from this remarkable woman with a stunning story.

Please accept these gifts from Carrie. 

 

 

 

 

to my mother.

As a 23-year-old female, I can now say that I’ve traveled the relationship between mother and daughter with fullness. We’ve  completed the circle – best friend –> worst enemy –> somewhere-in-between –> best friend once again. The relationship we have could be described in a multitude of ways, all of which speak to our ability to be real, ridiculous, and remarkably loving with each other. I credit her with so much of the success I’ve seen in my short life. She will undoubtedly be the source of much more.

 

I utterly love my mom.

 

While every day inspires a new reason to give her thanks and recognition, I was motivated for this blog by an article I recently read – 30 Signs Your Mother is the Best Person In Your Life. Sometimes a mother/daughter relationship is broken, abrasive, difficult. And because of this, the kind of relationship I’m blessed to experience isn’t possible. For all the women who’s relationships with their moms are like this, my heart aches for you. I can never comprehend the strength you have, and I commend you for navigating life with grit, confidence, and independence. I know many of you who do this, and it’s remarkable.

As for me, I literally couldn’t have made it this far in life without my mother. I don’t mean the figurative “literally”. It’s literally literally. Without her intellectual wherewithal, my diagnosis as a Type 1 Diabetic would have been delayed. And my treatment both in the hospital and at home in the months following would have proven too difficult. The terrifying moments and struggles since my diagnosis could have compromised my health in a number of ways. She checked on me countless times a night. She worried – and prayed – over every delicate moment of my day. And because of her strength, encouragement, understanding, and unending empathy, I grew with a determination and respect over my disease. Because of her, I have seen the silver lining of my Diabetes, pursued my health with enthusiasm (most days), and have acquired a desire for spreading that to others. Fortunate is an immense understatement.

The words I have for her – because of this alone – are futile. Her heart and compassion for everyone in life, her ability to forgive and give grace, her joyous laugh, her goofy demeanor, and her willingness to listen are among the many other things for which I can never express my absolute thanks.

The article that I read included several reasons why my mom is the best person in my life. Some are absolutely spot on:

          She will listen to your dramatic stories and your stories with no end.

          She will never forget your birthday, and she’ll be the first to sing to you when the clock strikes midnight…except MY mom does it in Spanish!

          She’ll support your interests and encourage you to stay true to your passions.

          She’s the one who sees there’s only one cookie left for the two of you and suddenly says she’s too full.

          She always has your best interest at heart.

This woman.

Mom, myself, and my roommate’s gorgeous niece, Jordyn!

Mom and I at my graduation party.

Twinning.

 

To my mom, I want to say thank you for so many incredible things you do. What is seemingly small to you makes up the world to me. I love you for so many things, and I am fortunate to experience a love as unconditional and a friendship as remarkable as yours. Mom…

I love that when I ask you to read my blog, you answer with the most sincere: “Yes, sweet pea”.

I love that when we end a serious conversation, you tell me you love me and call me “your girl”.

I love that you laugh at your own jokes just as much as I laugh at my own.

I love that no matter how old I get, you will always want to make sure I’m okay.

I love that our sources of hilarity often stem from our misinterpretations of absolutely ordinary, non-hilarious things.

I love that you have probably painted every wall in our house 18 colors, and I hope you paint them another 18!

I love that when I lose you in Target, I can always find you in the picture frame aisle.

I love that people think we’re sisters; but I love even more that you seem so shocked by this. You’re so humble, but c’mon! Rock it!

I love that you are a terrible co-pilot.

I love the story of us dancing in Kroger at 11:30pm to “Take on Me” by Aha. And I love that this song has since become a staple in our relationship.

I love that you gave your winter coat to a young mother at the grocery store – just because she said she liked it and didn’t have one for herself.

I love that you send me the most ridiculous photos of yourself to brighten my day. It always does.

I love that you still aren’t sure how to work the camera on a smartphone.

I love how your innate compassion, creativity, humility, and authenticity make my life more beautiful.

I love that you have such a sincere heart for serving others.

I love that you are equal parts best friend, confidant, partner in crime, and mom.

So while I could ramble on and on, and offer up a variety of words and thoughts, all of my efforts ultimately pale in comparison to the overwhelming gratitude I have in my heart. All I can say is thank you. I have risen because you’ve lifted me. And I hope that my heart will be kind, my mind will be fierce, and my spirit will be brave – just like yours. I love you, mom!